I am now more than 7 months into home-ownership and have learned a thing or two about this sacred right of passage. I like to call these things, "The Laws of Home Repair."
Leaders may come and go, nations may crumble, religions may appear and disappear, but these Laws remain forever:
Law #1 - Your awareness of your need for a repair will occur at exactly the most inconvenient time. More accurately, two weeks after you threw out a part that might have been useful for the project, or five minutes after Lowe's has closed.
Law #2 - Your repair will occur on one of the following days of the year: coldest, hottest, windiest, rainiest, most humid, snowiest, or a holiday.
Law #3 - Your repair will look fairly simple.
Law #4 - Law #3 is never the truth.
Law #5 - You will need to purchase a minimum of one new tool to complete your repair. You may attempt to complete the repair without this tool, but you will eventually give up and do as the Laws require.
Law #6 - You will escape your [first] visit to Lowe's having spent slightly less than you were afraid you'd have to.
Law #7 - Subsequent visits to Lowe's (minimum: two) will negate the optimistic feeling left over from Law #6.
Law #8 - Your repair will crop up precisely RIGHT AFTER you make some other extravagant purchase, such as non-refundable airline tickets, or monogrammed leather cowboy boots.
Law #9 - You will have many leftover parts from your repair. You will keep them "just in case". After approximately two years, you will finally dispose of the spare parts, since you will probably never need them again. Now refer to Law #1.
As I said, I'm 7 months into this homeowner thing, so I've learned a lot, but I'm sure there's plenty to come. So, please, if I've left one or twenty out, let me know. I would like to brace myself for the future.
2 comments:
Law #9. You will buy parts that you don't need after all, but by the time you get around to returning them you will have lost the receipt. Thus, the parts end up in the garage until you throw them out. Then, within the next month the receipt shows up out of nowhere.
@Darryl GOOD ONE. Very true.
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